This post is for the Moms and Dads who are trying to juggle being a good parent, a functional adult, and trying to learn a new language at the same time. First of all I want to say that you are amazing! Keep up your good work!
Becoming a parent is something no one is truly adequately prepared for. No matter how much people try to advise you about how much your life is about to change, when it actually happens it is a lot like falling through the ice of a frozen lake. You have heard the water will be cold, but the word "cold" doesn't quite do the actual experience justice.
My daughter Sagan is turning 4 this year. Just how fast time flies when you are parent is also something no one can quite put into words. By the time Sagan was born I had already been studying French for almost 4 years, so there has never been a time when Daddy has not been learning a language. When Sagan was born, I vowed to myself that Sagan would be able to speak as much French as I do. I try to impart my love of languages to her in various ways. However, as with many things, the reality of life with a kiddo is much different than you think it will be.
There are a lot of strong opinions online about how parents should approach non-native languages with kids. The other day I was watching a Youtube Livestream and the question was asked of the guest if he planned on teaching his kids the various languages he speaks. Before they got around to answering the question a lot of people expressed opinions about the subject ranging from "It's no big deal." to "It's a crime to not bring your child up bilingually if it can be done."
Well I suspect the people who express strong opinions like that don't actually have kids. Because whatever expectations you have for your kids, they are sure to have their own attitudes about it. I would love for my daughter to have my passion for history, but she may be a math kid, and that is Ok with me.
I have a sort of dualistic opinion about teaching your kids the languages you yourself are learning. Of course I think it would be amazing if Sagan was bilingual in English and French, however I am not about to force my kiddo to learn a language she doesn't want to.
I have been speaking French to Sagan since she was a baby, and she understands a fair amount in relation to the amount I know, but she is no where near bilingual. I myself am not bilingual enough to impart that level of fluency to her. However I still teach her what I can. I purchase and read children's books in French to her. I use simple phrases I know often, and she can say them as well. However There is just not enough French being spoken on a regular basis in our home for her to have more than a few phrases.
So, am I a failure as a language learning parent? Am I raising my daughter in a way that she will turn out as a monolingual bore? No, not at all. And I am going to go over some ways that you can help impart your love of languages to your kids. Sharing your hobbies and passions with a child is more like planting a garden than anything else. You plant seeds and provide a nurturing environment; the rest is up to the seeds and the kid. But here are a few things you can do as a parent to help.
First, Remember what it was like to be a kid
Think back on what it was like to be a kid yourself. What were your parents interested about? What were their hobbies? How would you or how did you react to your parents trying to get you excited about their hobbies?
My Dad's passion when I was a kid was with music. MTV and VH1(Back in the days when they actually played music videos) were on almost anytime the TV was on, and when the TV was not on, music was playing on the stereo. My Dad's passion for music transfered to me because it was in my environment in a passive fashion relative to my activities. When my Dad would try and get me to love a particular band he was obsessed with by explaining exactly why he loved the band (The Partridge Family comes to mind) I wound up being less interested in it than if he trying to stoke my interest as he normally did, through games. My Dad had a huge collection of CD's when I was a kid. We would play this game wherein he would pick a CD at random with me and my siblings closing our eyes. He would then play a random song and we would have to guess the artist and name of the song. To this day with music popular between the 60's and 90's I can pick out an artist and song name for many of the songs I hear.
So may father's passive encouragement was successful in imparting his love for music to me.
But what if my Dad had been a musician? What if he loved songs because of the key signature or the chord progression? What if his love of music was more technical? If he had tried to get me to love music by explaining the Circle of Fifths or how different key signatures change the emotional feel of a song, I very likely would not have captured my Dad's love of music because the realm of his passion was not as accessible to my young mind.
Make it a game
Kids like things (Generally) that are fun and engaging. So if you want to help your kiddo love languages like you do, don't try explaining the inner workings of Reflexive Verbs to them. Instead come up with a way to make language a game, just like you probably do in your native language!
Try playing "I spy" with your kid, but use the color words in your target language.
I spy with my little eye, something... Vert!
Practice counting with your child in your target language in a fun way. Nothing motivates a kid more than food, so count how many gummies or chips they have before they eat them, then count down with them as the snack disappears into their tummy. My daughter can count to ten in French and Spanish, and up to five in Norwegian because of this little game.
Learn the songs in your target language that are sung to children in the country in which your target language is spoken. This can be great practice for you too!
Find out how parents interact with their kids in your target language.
As a parent, you will/do find yourself using specific words which you didn't use before you were a parent.
"Time to go sit on the Potty."
"Where's my little snuggle-muffin?"
Try learning the baby-speech parents use in your target language. This language is something humans do when they interact with kids without thinking about it. Don't think so? Well, we do the same thing to our dogs and cats. It's an instinct. As the child grows we phase out the baby-talk in favor of more complex and grammatical speech. Learning this kind of speech can help your own language development as baby-talk oftentimes reinforces particular phonemes we need to become fluent. There is a reason we spend the first six months of a child's life making exaggerated facial expressions and saying things like "Who's my little bear bear?" and "Ga-ga-ga-goo-goo-goo-la-la"
Consume the language together
As your kids get older, find ways to consume language with them. When my daughter and I watch shows together I always try to find them in either French or Norwegian. Most shows on Netflix will have Spanish and French as language options and just today I found one of my Daughter's favorite shows in Norwegian on Youtube. This will be a kind of triple threat as a parent. You are spending time with your kid, watching something that you are both interested in (Though maybe for different reasons) and you are having fun. Ask them questions about the show as you are watching it. You will find your kids are very perceptive about what is happening in the show even if they can't understand specifically what the characters are saying. And this is a clue for you as a language learner. Even when your kids are watching shows in their native tongue they are likely not understanding 100% of the words they are hearing, However they are masters at using context clues either in the dialogue or the visuals to formulate a general understanding of the story they are watching.
The big thing, I believe, that kids can do that Adults really dislike is watch a show over and over again. This is a bit of a tangent but you are getting a bit of the stream of how my mind works... When I was eight years old or so my siblings and I could recite word for word the movie Aladdin. All of it. All 90 minutes. My siblings and I used to recite the whole movie before we fell asleep. Were we amazingly good at memorizing things? No. We watched Aladdin A LOT.
My daughter will watch the same episodes of her favorite shows over and over again, thus over time she remembers specific phrases and songs from those shows much better than I do. Adults, often times, have trouble watching a thing over and over again.
There are a lot more little things you can do to expose your target languages to your kids, but the biggest thing you can do is to just be excited and show your passion for the language, not in a technical sense, but in a "Live it" sense. Long-term as your kids see you studying, watching shows, and speaking in your target language they will want to find out why you think it is so cool. When they approach you about it, don't force it all down their throats, share it with them, include them, and endeavor to make it fun for all.
My daughter speaks some French, some Spanish, and a smidge of Norwegian. I am so happy with that and proud, and at the same time I wish I could teach her more. however she is without a doubt my biggest source of encouragement and reminders. Many days she will ask me if I have done my Duolingo for the day, and if she can watch me do it. She asks if I will help her do Spanish on Droplets. She is on her own language journey. Hers is different than mine in almost every way possible, but that is ok. If she decides languages are not her thing one day, that is fine too. It's my job as her Dad to enable her journey and be there to help her, not to force her onto a path I would like her to take. Our relationship is not based on common interest, it's based on a much deeper social/emotional concept.
So to sum up, if you want your kids to share your passions, live them, include your kids in them, and make them fun.
I have more to say on the topic of language learning as a parent. Look out for more to come soon!
